Grace is...

Many of you know of the recent tragedy in our church family. At the church where Chris is the Associate Pastor (and only 1 of 3 paid staff): our pastor's adult son, Brent, has passed away suddenly (after a long battle with addictions) while the pastor and his wife (Roger and Deidra) were on a trip to the Grand Canyon (curtsey of our church for their 5 yr anniversary as pastor there). They were able to return to NC yesterday and have made funeral arrangements for Saturday.

In light of more grief, I have been thinking about grace and I thought I'd make a list of the ways grace has sustained me these last few days. After all, what else is there?

Grace is:

• a job that I can leave at 2 in the afternoon when I received the bad news
• our music minister and another church member who helped chris sort out what to do
• a new baby forthcoming in our pastor's family to his daughter...soon to be born in a couple of weeks
• our pastor's sister and husband already at the lodge waiting to join in a few days vacation with them when they learned this horrible news
• the mountains in the distance of Mount Airy that I can only see on clear days like today, that remind me that God is always there even when I can't see Him, just like those mountains are always there even though I forget about them when it's hazy
• an amazing church family that holds each other, holds us, and holds Roger and Deidra
• a mentor like Jack Glasgow for Chris for 5 years while we were in Zebulon, who taught him how to be grace, love and peace in times like these
• my husband
• the fact that we felt called to Mount Airy almost a year ago and accepted a position that was newly created and will sustain Roger "for such a time as this" and the belief that we were called "for such a time as this"
• words, thoughts, prayers, emails and phone calls from our own circle of friends who lift us up
• my dog who immediately forgives me and loves me when I take out my grief on him by yelling and being ugly when he didn't do exactly what I wanted
• David Crowder songs which provide me a way to express what I am feeling
• the way the love of people embodies the love of Christ and helps me to see that love is more powerful than death. I'm not sure I have fully accepted that in this past year, maybe because we did so much of our grieving for Kyle on our own. But now, I see how the body of Christ is hurting and how their love for Roger and Deidra, and even Chris and I, is being the love of God. I can't even put it into words...I will have to think on that one for awhile.
• hugs
• being able to write here
• tears

Roger has requested that we sing "Were it not for grace" at the funeral b/c the last time Brent was there, we sang that song. Last night we were practicing it and the main chorus says: "Were it not for grace, I can tell you where I'd be, wandering down some pointless road to nowhere, with my salvation up to me, I know how that would go, the battles I would face, forever running but losing the race, were it not for grace."

I know I can't understand what sustains us in this time....it is beyond my human comprehension. How is it possible that God gives us strength? How do we find grace at all? It is beyond what I will ever understand. And I praise Him that he gives it to us anyway, knowing, we will never get it.
Keep us in your prayers. Roger and Deidra Gilbert. Their daughter Kristi, her husband Jeff and daughter Jessi and soon to be baby Jake. Brent's wife, Jacki and daughter Autumn. Chris. Our church family. Grace, Grace, God's Grace.